Can you name two more polarizing figures from 2011 than teenage viral pop sensation Rebecca Black and Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow?
People love them. People hate them. And sometimes, the same people both love and hate them for the same reason!!!
Unless you’ve been living under a rock—
–which these days, means living in a tent at one of those “Occupy Some Public Landmark Because I’m Jobless But I Own an iPhone”—then you know Black’s and Tebow’s talents …or lack thereof.
When I just checked on YouTube, Rebecca Black’s “Friday” official music video had 9,956,443 total views. By the time that I’m done writing this blog post, the viral video will probably get another 2,000 views.
Love her or hate her, kids and grown-ups alike must feel jealous since Rebecca Black has received so much attention and success without the talent and downright cutesy quality of Taylor Swift.
Because if Taylor Swift faced Rebecca Black in a “Celebrity Deathmatch, Black would be singing the Blues.
Yes, you know you’d order the PPV on that match. You don’t mess with Taylor Swift. Just ask Joe Jonas!
But there are lots of Rebecca Black detractors. Search on YouTube for Rebecca Black “Friday” parody videos and you’ll find “about 8,060 results”.
Amazingly, an even less talented hack named Brock’s Dub parody of “Friday” has more than three times as many hits as Black’s official music video. Over 32 million, as of today.
Face it, for as many people who love a pioneer, there are always three times as many people who hate him/her.
I admit it, I hated Tebow. I hated Tebow before he was drafted in the first round. I hated Tebow when he pushed traditional pocket-passer Kyle Orton to the bench. I hate Tebow when he’d throw only eight passes…and win.
Now, I can’t help but admire Tebow. In the face of endless scrutiny and criticism, he answers every question with poise and a smile. Doesn’t seem to affect his confidence or his performance. I’d be more interested watching him and the Broncos in the playoffs against the Patriots defense, rather than the Oakland Raiders.
I finally figured it all out this week. Rebecca Black and Tim Tebow have something important in common: they found success by going against everything we know up until now.
This unknown teenager releases a song on YouTube, and suddenly it’s the talk of cyberspace. This ugly-looking thrower runs a read option offense in the pass-happy NFL, and suddenly his team leads the AFC West.
There are no style points in the NFL, or on YouTube. Their success isn’t pretty—even if they both are pretty in their own way.
Black and Tebow just want it more than anyone else! And that’s why we can’t help but love them. We wish that we could have found this same success with the limited talent that most of us possess.
Fantasy football taps into that. It gives most of us with limited talents to find pretend success.
In the U.S., the Equal-Time Rule essentially specifies that media must show an equivalent opportunity to an opposing point-of-view. Thus, if I’m obligated to show you yet another picture of Tim Tebow in my blog, then at least let me counter-balance it with the hotness of Brooklyn Decker (from the 2011 ESPY Awards).
In fact, now that I think of it, FLAMING BAG OF POO has already shown you at least one photo of Tebow, so I guess I’m obligated to include one more shot of Brooklyn. You know, for fairness sake!
If you’re lucky, from now on, every time someone shows you another photo of Tim Tebow on his knee praying, in your own mind, you’ll really be thinking about Brooklyn Decker working her butt off during a Sports Illustrated photo shoot!
In our Unsportsmanlike League, Week #13 was practically over after the minute of the first game. The resulting spreads were bigger than the pre-game spread of the Patriots-Colts game (20 points).
Across the fantasy match-ups, it was MC HAMMER TIME:
FLAMING BAG OF POO won by 47.02 points over FUNCTIONING DERELICTS.
MONEYBALLER won by 39.60 points over BARDSDALE BRAWLERS.
CHENGRI-LA won by 39.30 points over DRUNKEN IRISHMEN.
BLIND SIDE TAYLORS won by 35.50 points over TEUFLE HUNDEN.
The biggest winner for many reasons, BLIND SIDE TAYLORS rode the big wave of the Packers’ 38-35 win over the Giants thanks to Rodgers, Nelson and Hicks. Big games by Wallace, McCoy and Bush pushed her point total for the week into another stratosphere. When you sitting Panthers RB Jonathan Stewart and his 15.90 points proves to be a wise decision, then you know the cards are falling into place as we approach the Week #15 playoffs.
Returning to life as a contender, TEUFLE HUNDEN wisely started Newton over Brees, while also picking up Redskins RB Roy Helu off waivers; but even if TEUFLE HUNDEN had started Greene’s 29.40 point performance, there was no really no chance against BLIND SIDE TAYLORS record-breaking performance.
For nearly all of Sunday, MONEYBALLER seemed like the runaway point leader for the week. Even with Megatron morphing into Mini-tron in recent weeks, MONEYBALLER cashed in with a surprising performance from Harvin (although perhaps not surprising to MONEYBALLER). And has the real Chris Johnson finally arrived when MONEYBALLER needs him most? Because FLAMING BAG OF POO hopes not!
BARDSDALE BRAWLERS could have avoided a bigger loss if he could have avoided bigger losses to his line-up. Instead, both Smith and bench WR Johnson went down with mid-game injuries. But this song is about as repetitive as Rebecca Black’s “Friday”. It’s so predictable that a BRAWLERS player will get injured that FLAMING BAG OF POO is almost willing to grant a redshirt year to any BRAWLERS draftee from 2011. I betcha the BRAWLERS considered picking up new Chiefs QB Kyle Orton, who proceeded to dislocate his finger on his very first snap with the Chiefs offense. Interesting though, if you had glued together both BRAWLERS hybrid Detroit RBs, “Morris Smith” would have tallied 27.50 points! Still not nearly enough to beat MONEYBALLER though.
The skill positions helped to power CHENGRI-LA to an easy win over the New England DRUNKEN IRISHMEN. On a quiet night from Graham, the midget backfield of Rice and MJD stood tall with 52.20 points combined. Plus, CHENGRI-LA started the only trio of receivers with double-digit points.
Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski continues to perform like the MVP for DRUNKEN IRISHMEN. Every week, it feels like Gronkowski is scoring two or three touchdowns on a handful of catches from Brady. It could have been argued that Garcon’s 27.00 points were wasted on the bench, but really, nobody would have started Garcon (with new Colts QB Orlovsky)—not when you have Fitzgerald, Welker, and Jackson. This stretch without the Unsportsmanlike League’s Number One overall draft pick, Peterson, could prove fatal to DRUNKEN IRISHMEN’s playoff chances. Only a few weeks ago, a playoff spot seemed like a lock for the IRISHMEN.
Those three matchup winners produced some of the top scores that we’ve seen the entire season.
104.02 points would have resulted in a loss against any of the other three matchup winners. FLAMING BAG OF POO’s matchup win seemed a bit inflated compared to the depression of FUNCTIONING DERELICTS. FUNCTIONING DERELICTS may not have scored the fewest points all season (the third fewest, actually), but it came at the worst possible time. Remember, man, it’s bad fantasy football karma when your starting quarterback plays against your starting defense.
But this matchup was over before Rebecca Black broke into her first chorus of “Friday”. During the Thursday night game, Seahawks RB Marshawn Lynch played power pinball against the Eagles defense to the tune of 26.80 points. FLAMING BAG OF POO felt vindicated after quietly re-claiming former draftee Lynch two weeks before needing him (before Foster’s bye-week). Thank goodness FLAMING BAG OF POO got off the Jackie Battle bus almost immediately after realizing that it wasn’t headed anywhere near Philadelphia.
The result is another logjam with five teams battling for the remaining three playoff spots. And really, it’s more like four teams battling for the last two playoff spots.
Going into our final week of the Unsportsmanlike League regular season, this much is clear. CHENGRI-LA locked up the top seed about a month ago.
BLINDSIDE TAYLORS only needs to avoid a total shut-out to secure a playoff spot, since she beats everyone with the total points tie-breaker. (If she wants to pull a DeSean Jackson, she can taunt us by only starting half her necessary players and still make the playoffs with her season total points.)
Non-playoff contenders BARDSDALE BRAWLERS and TEUFLE HUNDEN will be playing in the fantasy equivalent of the Lysol Toilet Bowl this week.With a big win, the BRAWLERS has a chance to claim sixth place, which seemed like an impossibility three weeks ago.
Coincidentally enough, the two remaining matchups provides all the drama for the two remaining playoff spots. With identical 7-6 records, FLAMING BAG OF POO controls its own destiny with a win over MONEYBALLER. MONEYBALLER can still secure the last playoff spot with a loss—coupled with a mediocre win by FUNCTIONING DERELICTS (because of the total points tie-breaker). If both teams lose, MONEYBALLER currently holds the total points tie-breaker over DRUNKEN IRISHMEN. Because of this week’s pathetic point total, FUNCTIONING DERELICTS must beat DRUNKEN IRISHMEN by a big margin, or else watch DRUNKEN IRISHMEN claim the last playoff spot based on total points.
It’s really that simple.
Guaranteed, FLAMING BAG OF POO will be glued to the MNF matchup between the Rams-Seahawks, as that will be the lynchpin for the playoff hopes of four teams.
Can’t wait for the weekend to get here!!!
Can you imagine if Tim Tebow and Rebecca Black teamed-up and performed a music parody duet of their own.
They can call the duet song “Sunday”.
The lyrics would go like this:
It’s Sunday, Sunday
Gotta get down on Sunday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Getting’ down on Sunday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
Tim Tebow and Rebecca Black hook up?
YouTube would crash!