If you likened it to any sports team, the cast from Barry Levinson’s early movie DINER (1982) was loaded with “salary cap friendly” talent that would go on to bigger and better movies and TV shows. Mickey Rourke, Kevin Bacon, Paul Reiser, Daniel Stern, Tim Daly, Michael Tucker, Ellen Barkin, and even Steve Guttenberg. If this were the 2012 NFL Draft, most of this cast would have been fourth round picks, at best.
In a hilarious subplot in the movie, Eddie (Guttenberg) is such a nervous bridegroom that he’s demanding that his fiancée score higher than 65 on a sports quiz of Eddie’s own making. If the fiancée flunks, he says, he won’t marry her. As a sports junkee, he isn’t kidding. But what will he do when she only scores a 63?
If the Wonderlic test had existed back in that era, Steve Guttenberg could have instead administered the Wonderlic to his fiancée. No doubt, she would have scored better than LSU CB Morris Claiborne. At least she would have taken the test seriously. We are essentially talking about a marriage after all.
The annual NFL Draft—with all of its fanfare—is much like marriage between a rookie and his new professional sports team. Teams size up every available rookie. It is part beauty contest…part harmless flirtations…and part eHarmony.
Because of the NFL Draft, there’s usually a long courtship period. There’s always heartbreak. And eventually, there’s something equivalent to angry sex.
Yes, the NFL Draft reflects the world as we know it still: beauty matters more than brains. That’s why arm-length, bench pressing, and 40-yard dash times are more important than any actual college degrees earned.
Brains only pretend to matter! It’s like meeting Lindsay Lohan in a bar, and pretending to be impressed by what books she read behind bars!
During the pre-draft NFL Combines, prospective rookies take the Wonderlic Cognitive Ability Test.—a popular group intelligence test used to assess learning and problem-solving.
50 multiple choice questions—testing absolutely nothing about football terms or rules. Average intelligence score is in the ballpark of 20. A score of 10 suggests a person is at least literate.
Brains should matter in the sports world.
Imagine when QB Drew Brees approaches the line of scrimmage and notices the free safety creeping up during the snap count. Great QBs like Brees are smart enough to call an audible to switch from a passing play to a draw play to take advantage of the outside blitz. Meanwhile, MLB Ray Lewis, in turn, recognizes that Brees now identifies this, and so Lewis is smart enough to check out of the safety blitz–in order to plug the hole on the delayed hand-off. I bet both Drew Brees and Ray Lewis scored high on the Wonderlic.
Leading up to the 2012 NFL Draft, LSU CB Morris Claiborne reportedly scored a 4 on the Wonderlic. Remember, the average score of NFL prospects hovers near 20. It doesn’t take an LSU math major to know that Claiborne is well below average. Especially when it comes to taking tests seriously.
OK, so rookies aren’t nearly as smart about their sport as a veteran, right? But back in 2008, Philadelphia Eagles QB Donovan McNabb caught a lot of grief when he didn’t realize that NFL regular season games could end in a tie. But even the most avid sports fan may not know how to describe basic terms in their own favorite sports.
Flaming Bag of Poo would bet that you–the rabid sports fan–doesn’t know some essential terms and concepts in your own favorite sport.FLAMING BAG OF POO SPORTS QUIZ
Consider yourself a true sports fan if you can define the following sports terms:
1) “ICING” (Hockey)
2) “SLINGSHOT PASS” (Auto Racing)
3) “OFFSIDE TRAP” (Soccer)
4) “HEDGING A SCREEN” (Basketball)
5) The difference between a “PASSED BALL” and a “WILD PITCH” (Baseball)
6) The difference between a “3-TECHNIQUE LINEMAN” and a “5-TECHNIQUE LINEMAN” (Football)
7) The difference between a “FADE”, “DRAW”, “HOOK” and “SLICE” (Golf)
8) The difference between a “HANDICAP” horse race from any other thoroughbred horse race (Horse Racing)
OK, do you got the answers? (Don’t cheat like Pete Carroll & the USC Trojans)
How do you think you scored???
If there’s a woman out there who can get all eight correct, then I’ve found my new fiancée!!!
Smart women, the Flaming Bag of Poo is a lot more handsome and successful than Steve Guttenberg!