Flaming Bag of Poo was privileged to attend the surprise wedding of Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan’s backyard wedding in Palo Alto on Friday.
OK, I wasn’t actually there in attendance. Instead, I attended virtually. The same way that Zuckerberg rang the ceremonial opening bell for NASDAQ on Thursday.
I was sitting there in my underwear and eating a bag of Cheetos wondering how Mr. Chan still got stuck paying for the un-lavish wedding of local take-out family-style Palo Alto food.
These other thoughts came to mind.
10. When he posts his wedding photos on his Facebook page, will Zuckerberg have just as much difficulty managing the five photos on his Photo Strip as I do. (There never seems to be any rhyme-or-reason on how the most recent posted photos will show up. Although it’s guaranteed, when some high school classmate posts an old photo with you, a bad hair style, and a trendy shirt, that photo always pops up on your Photo Strip.)
9. When you’re the newest Silicon Valley zillionaire, you can get a custom-made suit with a hood. Because money is no object!
8. The wedding food was ordered from local favorites Palo Alto Sol and Fuki Sushi primarily because the Zuckerbergs had an expiring coupon.
7. The dudes from Instagram were forced to sit on the bride’s side of the aisle. And that made them really pissed!
6. The happy couple is honeymooning in Oakland. Because Oakland is very exotic and different compared to Palo Alto.
5. The backyard setting for the Zuckerberg wedding was reminiscent of the opening montage in Judd Apatow’s film KNOCKED UP. Really.
4. Around the world, thousands of women weep now that Mark Zuckerberg is officially off the market. (OK, more like two women are weeping…his mother and his sister.)
3. During the wedding rehearsal, Jesse Eisenberg stood in for Mark Zuckerberg, yet Eisenberg was noticeably absent at the wedding ceremony. Hmmm…
2. I blame Priscilla Chan Zuckerberg for the very next awful Facebook redesign. Just because the wife always gets the blame when the husband changes after getting married.
1. This wedding and reception absolutely suck. Facebook should have bought Martha Stewart Living. Instead, these wedding reception photos will only show up on TechCrunch, Clusterstock, and Fast Company.