Posted on

Ready For Love? Again??? Take a Sneak Peak at the Match.com profile for Eva Longoria

In the sports & entertainment world, it is never easy being famous like Eva Longoria.

Or beautiful like Eva Longoria.

And single like Eva Longoria.

Because Flaming Bag of Poo knows exactly how this 37-year old actress/restauranteur/philanthropist feels. We all need a little TLC every once in a while.

Twice-divorced (and recently ending a short relationship with New York Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez), this visible Mexican-American certainly deserves to find happiness. On top of her charitable work for developmentally disabled children and the Make-A-Wish Foundation, her commitment to Latino causes, and 2012 presidential campaigning for Barack Obama, Longoria still seeks a loving partner.

Longoria and her UnbeliEVAble Entertainment will be executive producing NBC’s “READY FOR LOVE” dating reality series (hosted by Giuliana & Bill Rancic).

But how can Longoria herself be ready for love when she still bears that tramp stamp reminder of cheating ex-husband Tony Parker on the back of her neck.

Even smaller here because he cheated on his marriage. Not smaller just because he is a point guard

In case you forgot that the San Antonio Spurs All-Star point guard Tony Parker was French, he reminded you by cheating on this beautiful creature.

Reports now say that Longoria has already withstood several sessions of painful tattoo removal–with more still to come.

(Note: according to a recent Flaming Bag of Pool survey, the “Back-Neck” is considered the fourth sexiest physical feature on a woman behind boobs, ass, and eyes. Smile was a distant fifth.)

Eva…dahling…don’t put yourself through any further pain because of Tony’s ink-reminder!

Nicole Kidman removes invisible ink tattoo of Tom Cruise.

There is a much easier, less painful remedy to tattoo removal treatments: just date another athlete who wears the #9!!!

Tattoo Removal Centers outnumber Scientology Centers in Hollywood by a ratio of 2-to-1.

Then Longoria can simply keep her back-neck tattoo.

And so Longoria can still truthfully say that she has never had any plastic surgery, any Photoshop touch-ups, or anything that isn’t 100% hereditary.

Surprisingly, the Niner (#9) is not as popular of a jersey number as professional sports fans might think.

An easy choice for this Latina cougar would be 22-year old Spanish National Team and Minnesota Timberwolves point guard, Ricard “Ricky” Rubio.

Sticking to her hunger for international cuisine, Longoria can also try sinking her teeth into something African (Serge Ibaka), Chinese (Yi Jianlian), or “Irish” (Rajon Rondo).

There are plenty of intriguing Niner options beyond pro basketball though.

While a point guard is traditionally the quarterback on any basketball team, on any football team, the quarterback actually is the quarterback. Married Niners like Tony Romo

…and Drew Brees both share Longoria’s roots for Hurricane Alley.

When Mark Sanchez is being planted into the turf by opposing pass rusher, it’s easy for Longoria to have mistaken his #6 for a #9.

Sanchez on his way toward becoming a 9

Unfortunately for Longoria, baseball offers no interesting matches for someone once dubbed an unprecedented #1 on Maxim Magazine’s “Hottest Female Stars” for both 2005 and 2006. Or #14 on FHM’s “Sexiest Women 2008” poll. Or 1998 Miss Corpus Christi in her home state of Texas where they grow Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders like cotton.

1998 Miss Corpus Christi (TX) Eva Longoria

Baseball studs like Jeters and A-Rods aren’t members of the exclusive Niner Club.

On the otherhand, Ted Williams could offer Longoria a big stiff one–but probably not in the way this fiery Latina craves.

NASCAR even offers Niners like Bill Elliott

and Kasey Kahne

if Longoria ever wants to go a few laps with other controlling men at the wheel.

Soccer offers Niners like Chelsea’s Fernando Torres (also of the Spanish National Team)…

…or Anzhi Makhachkala’s Samuel Eto’o (also of the Cameroon National Team).

And if Longoria feels like experimenting like she did during her Texas A&M University-Kingsville sorority days, there’s also the pretty and talented Heather O’Reilly from the U.S. Women’s Soccer National Team!

Midfielders go both ways.

Desperate Housewives have been known to experiment every now and then…

Despite all the silly rumors, only two of them ever hooked up.

Finally, beyond the world of sports, it might be a stretch, but fellow actor Mickey Rourke of “9 ½ Weeks” might be willing to tattoo the “1/2” onto her neck with a dirty fingernail.

Plastic surgery? Or bar fight? You be the judge of Mickey.

Beso, Eva! Feel free to favorite “Flaming Bag of Poo” on Match.com.

Because we famous, beautiful, single people were meant to be matched with each other.

(10/26/12)

Advertisements

About Flaming Bag of Poo

An un-safe place where sports, entertainment, and pop culture converge. Flaming Bag of Poo...A rather unique blog. Because sometimes you're on fire. (But most of the time, you just plain stink!) ------ Creator of the blogs FLAMING BAG OF POO and I SELL UNICORNS.

3 responses to “Ready For Love? Again??? Take a Sneak Peak at the Match.com profile for Eva Longoria

  1. Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is Jimmy
    Graham Jersey an extremely well written article.
    I’ll make sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful info.
    Thanks for the post. I will definitely comeback.

  2. Every weekend i used to visit this site, because i wish for enjoyment,
    since this this website conations actually nice funny stuff too.

  3. Have you ever thought about adding a little bit more than just your articles?
    I mean, what you say is valuable and everything.
    Nevertheless think about if you added some great graphics or video clips to give your
    posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with images and videos, this site could definitely be one of the very best in its field.
    Great blog!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s