Posted on

Princess Kate remains sick. Already really sick over baby names!!!

pregnant princess catherine leaves hospital

Very few women in the world notify their fashion stylists before their gynecologists before being discharged from the hospital with acute morning sickness.

Even fewer women are Princess Kate, Her Royal Highness Duchess of Cambridge

People  kate-middleton-0-300

As if you thought sister Pippa Middleton could hog-wart the British spotlight 24/7. Think again.

Zero weeks pregnant

Zero weeks pregnant

Rumor has it that Kate and Prince William spent part of her hospital stay browsing the internet in search of good baby names for their Royal First Born.

Maybe the Royal First Born will be a prince. Maybe the Royal First Born will be a princess. Or maybe the Royal First Born will be the first sexless member of the Royal Family–aside from Prince Charles, that is. (The British tabloids and conspiracy theorists can get busy with that one!)

But there’s no need for any baby name book orders from Amazon to Buckingham Palace.

books of baby names

Because Flaming Bag of Poo has this covered!

Hackers (perhaps still working for Rupert Murdoch’s “News of the World”) uncovered some interesting clues off the internet browser for the WiFi in Kate’s King Edward VII Hospital room.

Rupert Murdoch

Always remember to clear your browser history on any public (or privately shared) computer! You can learn a lot about a person through their recent browser history. Go ahead, test my theory on someone you love!

Little-known-fact:  Ferris Bueller, 44, is now a mercenary computer hacker leaving in his parents' basement.

Little-known-fact: Ferris Bueller, 44, is now a mercenary computer hacker leaving in his suburban Chicago parents’ basement.

An old proverb once stated:

“PEOPLE RESEMBLE THEIR TIMES, MORE THAN THEY RESEMBLE THEIR PARENTS.

People resemble their times, more than they resemble their parents.

People resemble their times, more than they resemble their parents.

Thus, compared to their ancestors, William and Kate are about as progressive as same-sex marriage benefits in Britain.

Thus, the Royal First Born requires a baby name equally as progressive. No more of those stuffy Anglo white bread names like Charles, Philip, Victoria, or Elizabeth.

Instead, look for baby names based on today’s famous British sports figures and celebrities.

Generation Me

Just how famous? Well, that depends on how the rest of the free world considers anyone famous within the UK to actually be worth noticing outside of the Royal Family.

VOTE FROM AMONG THESE TOP 13 CHOICES RECENTLY SEARCHED ONLINE BY KATE & WILLIAM

Prince Ringo?

Prince Ringo?

Maybe a little too old school.

Princess Gemma?

Princess Gemma?

Name another culture where “Gemma” is synonymous for “Hot Pasty Brit”. You can’t.

Prince Ashley?  Or even Princess Ashley?

Prince Ashley? Or even Princess Ashley?

Take a stand against racism in European Football.

Princess JK?  Or even Prince JK?

Princess JK? Or even Prince JK?

Who else receives more royalties these days?

Prince Harry Potter?

Prince Harry Potter?

After all, the Royal First Born will be quite magical regardless.

Prince Harry Jr.?

Prince Harry Jr.?

Whoops! Did I just say that outloud? What happens in Buckingham Palace, stays in Buckingham Palace. (There’s another one to feed those British tabloids and conspiracy theorists!)

Princess Arabella

Princess Arabella

Ah, yes, because you can never forget your first love, eh, Wills? You, scoundrel!

Princess Keira?

Princess Keira?

This plug was paid for by Working Title Films, the studio behind the upcoming release of “Anna Karenina”.

Prince Gangnam?

Prince Gangnam?

In order to appeal to the Asia market…and to anyone without a real life these days.

2005 LA Pride Parade

But wait, doesn’t the 1763 Treaty of Paris actually prevent this sort of thing from happening?!?!

Princess Hollyoaks?

Princess Hollyoaks?

Instead of naming it after a single actress from this popular British soap opera, just name her after the soap opera itself. Royal life is one big soap opera anyway, right? Have you even seen the sexy actors on British soap operas outside of the magazine covers of Maxim UK? How about Princess Corree? Princess Emmerdale? Princess Eastender? Of course, naming the Royal First Born “Princess Hollyoaks” would be like naming your daughter Desiree, Star, BJ, or Pussy Galore–and then being surprised when they end up in porn.

Prince Hollyoaks?

Prince Hollyoaks?

Yes, Flaming Bag of Poo must appeal to its 49% female readership.

Prince McLovin!!!

Prince McLovin!!!

Absolutely, Prince McLovin has got my vote!

royal-baby-kate-william

###
Because your vote counts. Just like it does with Facebook.
###

Facebook vote

Do your Mum proud.

Do your Mum proud.

Princess Diana - First induction into the Flaming Bag of Poo Hall of Fame of Beautiful

Princess Diana – First induction into the Flaming Bag of Poo Hall of Fame of Beautiful

(12/7/12)

Advertisements

About Flaming Bag of Poo

An un-safe place where sports, entertainment, and pop culture converge. Flaming Bag of Poo...A rather unique blog. Because sometimes you're on fire. (But most of the time, you just plain stink!) ------ Creator of the blogs FLAMING BAG OF POO and I SELL UNICORNS.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s