Very few women in the world notify their fashion stylists before their gynecologists before being discharged from the hospital with acute morning sickness.
Even fewer women are Princess Kate, Her Royal Highness Duchess of Cambridge
As if you thought sister Pippa Middleton could hog-wart the British spotlight 24/7. Think again.
Rumor has it that Kate and Prince William spent part of her hospital stay browsing the internet in search of good baby names for their Royal First Born.
Maybe the Royal First Born will be a prince. Maybe the Royal First Born will be a princess. Or maybe the Royal First Born will be the first sexless member of the Royal Family–aside from Prince Charles, that is. (The British tabloids and conspiracy theorists can get busy with that one!)
But there’s no need for any baby name book orders from Amazon to Buckingham Palace.
Because Flaming Bag of Poo has this covered!
Hackers (perhaps still working for Rupert Murdoch’s “News of the World”) uncovered some interesting clues off the internet browser for the WiFi in Kate’s King Edward VII Hospital room.
Always remember to clear your browser history on any public (or privately shared) computer! You can learn a lot about a person through their recent browser history. Go ahead, test my theory on someone you love!
An old proverb once stated:
“PEOPLE RESEMBLE THEIR TIMES, MORE THAN THEY RESEMBLE THEIR PARENTS.
Thus, compared to their ancestors, William and Kate are about as progressive as same-sex marriage benefits in Britain.
Thus, the Royal First Born requires a baby name equally as progressive. No more of those stuffy Anglo white bread names like Charles, Philip, Victoria, or Elizabeth.
Instead, look for baby names based on today’s famous British sports figures and celebrities.
Just how famous? Well, that depends on how the rest of the free world considers anyone famous within the UK to actually be worth noticing outside of the Royal Family.
VOTE FROM AMONG THESE TOP 13 CHOICES RECENTLY SEARCHED ONLINE BY KATE & WILLIAM
Maybe a little too old school.
Name another culture where “Gemma” is synonymous for “Hot Pasty Brit”. You can’t.
Take a stand against racism in European Football.
Who else receives more royalties these days?
After all, the Royal First Born will be quite magical regardless.
Whoops! Did I just say that outloud? What happens in Buckingham Palace, stays in Buckingham Palace. (There’s another one to feed those British tabloids and conspiracy theorists!)
Ah, yes, because you can never forget your first love, eh, Wills? You, scoundrel!
This plug was paid for by Working Title Films, the studio behind the upcoming release of “Anna Karenina”.
In order to appeal to the Asia market…and to anyone without a real life these days.
But wait, doesn’t the 1763 Treaty of Paris actually prevent this sort of thing from happening?!?!
Instead of naming it after a single actress from this popular British soap opera, just name her after the soap opera itself. Royal life is one big soap opera anyway, right? Have you even seen the sexy actors on British soap operas outside of the magazine covers of Maxim UK? How about Princess Corree? Princess Emmerdale? Princess Eastender? Of course, naming the Royal First Born “Princess Hollyoaks” would be like naming your daughter Desiree, Star, BJ, or Pussy Galore–and then being surprised when they end up in porn.
Yes, Flaming Bag of Poo must appeal to its 49% female readership.
Absolutely, Prince McLovin has got my vote!
Because your vote counts. Just like it does with Facebook.