The world did not end as the Mayan Calendar predicted.
Or maybe it did.
For the past week on “CNN Trends”, the only topics which have given any competition to the “Fiscal Cliff” have been Justin Bieber (paparazzo accidental death) and Kim Kardashian (Kanye’s baby mama).
Bieber: “Umm…I think the world is flat.” Kardashian: “Ohhh…so that’s why there’s been so many tweets lately about us going over some sort of cliff.
That alone should spell doomsday when celebrities out-trend the U.S. government coming to a grinding halt on the eve of a possible economic meltdown.
I haven’t even seen how “Entertainment Tonight” and “E! News” are reporting on the stalemate on Capitol Hill. Hmmm…I wonder…
Since the Democrats and Republicans cannot agree on any spending cuts, Flaming Bag of Poo must lead-by-example. The way every American citizen should.
May run against Ben Affleck for Massachusetts Senate seat.
Thus, Flaming Bag of Poo’s Annual “Top Ten List of Favorite Movies From This Past Year” has now been trimmed down to five.
Yes, only five!
(That’s a 50% reduction for all you U.S. school kids trailing behind about 30 other countries in math test scores!)
But really, who are we kidding? 2012 was a pathetic year for great movies. I sat down to create my Top 10 list.
#6?!?! Seriously? (Seriously funny.)
But, by #6, I asked myself, “Can I really make 21 JUMP STREET my #6 favorite film of 2012 when I didn’t even like the TV show?”
ARGO may as well have been a Made-For-TV movie. (Yes, I’m showing my age with that reference).
SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK was more overrated than Andy Reid’s final Philadelphia Eagles.
THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN, PART 2 was more painful to watch than the brutal rape scene in GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO.
And THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER would have gone straight to NetFlix if not for Emma Watson’s perky casting.
Want to argue with me?
Last year’s Oscar winners are already blurry.
A year from now, you won’t even remember your own five favorite films from this past year. Heck, a day after ABC’s “85th Annual Academy Awards” on February 24th, you will have forgotten your five favorites. (And you’ll also be begging to forget Seth MacFarlane as the Oscars host.)
Apparently, Frankie Muniz wasn’t available to host the Academy Awards this year.
Thus, here is the “Fiscal Cliff” friendly version of Flaming Bag of Poo’s Top 10 Favorite Movies List.
#5 – THE DARK KNIGHT RISES
Just for its sheer execution, this final movie in the trilogy deserves high praise. But if Christopher Nolan had edited out 20 minutes of his self-indulgence, the movie might have been more satisfying.
#4 – PITCH PERFECT
Yes, I went to see this solely to watch Anna Kendrick. I’m not ashamed to admit that now, since the movie was actually everything it would promise to be. Don’t be hating on my girl Anna!
#3 – SKYFALL
My father and I will never see eye-to-eye on James Bond. He loves the gadgets and smirks of Pierce Brosnan and Roger Moore. I prefer a Bond who looks like he can actually throw a punch—and take a punch. I loved CASINO ROYALE for rebooting the Bond franchise, and I loved SKYFALL for exploring the vulnerability of this aging hero.
#2 – THE HUNGER GAMES
In my opinion, the movie was way better than the book—largely because I’m never going to take the time to read the book. What’s really amazing is that it was marketed as an action-drama, but in hindsight, there actually wasn’t a lot of action; it just felt that way.
#1 – PROMISED LAND
Why would I list a 2013 movie at the top of my 2012 movie list?
Yes, PROMISED LAND opens wide on January 4, 2013. But I was lucky to catch an advance screening in Hollywood last month—folllowed by a rare Q&A session with Matt Damon and John Krasinski. Two A-lists actors bond during double dates (during the course of the ASSIGNMENT BUREAU film shoot). One has a pet project about natural gas fracking. The other one wants to make his directorial debut (ultimately, because of scheduling problems, Matt Damon had to relinquish the director role in favor of some hack named Gus Van Sant.) As a writer, I appreciate films that emphasize character dilemmas and internal conflicts. And while some critics weren’t that enthralled with PROMISED LAND, I encourage everyone to catch it!
But really, the best part about PROMISED LAND was the sexiness of Rosemarie Dewitt.
Dewitt oooooooooooozzzzes sexy in her role as a rural teacher-farmer.
It’s so rare that an actress can exude such an innocent, but sexy, appeal by only showing a little more exposed skin than a Muslim woman.
Maybe you overlooked Rosemarie Dewitt in THE COMPANY MEN.
(annoyingly supportive to Ben Affleck’s stubborn out-of-work character)
Or in RACHEL GETTING MARRIED.
(annoyingly normal to Anne Hathaway’s out-of-rehab character)
Because even I overlooked her.
But I just re-watched both just for Rosemarie Dewitt.
Very excited to hear that Dewitt will be joining the cast of THE NEWSROOM for next season!
It’s no wonder that the dude from OFFICE SPACE snatched her up!
If only his Peter Gibbons office slacker character could take a stab at solving the Fiscal Cliff!
Because is there any more dysfunctional office space these days than inside Congress?
(1/3/13)
Flaming Bag of Poo 