A-Rod has been giving a different finger to the Yankees this week.
Yesterday, Alex Rodriguez and his camp tried to circumvent Dr. Chris Ahmad, the Yankees’ team doctor, in order to get his $275M Ego-ness cleared to play after a Grade 1 quad strain. Dr. Michael Gross took to the airways to proclaim A-Rod fit to play this Friday—despite the one simple fact that Dr. Gross had never examined A-Rod in person. In fact, A-Rod and Dr. Ahmad had never even met in person before.
Today, eleven more well-known doctors came to A-Rod’s defense to declare him fit!!! The Yankees and their fans should take notice!
Dr. Doug Ross
The original McDreamy and McSteamy combined. Leave it to A-Rod to call upon Dr. Doug Ross, a physician as Dreamy and Steamy as A-Rod always thinks that he is.
Dr. Dolittle
“If I could talk to the animals, just imagine it, chattin’ with a Yank in Yankanzee. Imagine talking to a Cashman, chatting with a Jeter. What a neat achievement it would be!” (Rex Harrison had too much class to answer A-Rod’s Skype. But Eddie Murphy had nothing but time on his hand, and so he gladly gave Dr. Dolittle medical opinion.)
Dr. Evil
“Why make trillions when we can make…billions?” That’s how much the Yankees still owe A-Rod on his contract if he gets to re-take the field!!! A-Rod and Dr. Evil makes the Yankees Evil Empire look like a G-rated movie with a Steve Carell voiceover. As Dr. Evil would say, “You’re the best evil son an evil dad could ever ask for, A-Rod.”
Doc Emmett Brown
A-Rod travels in Doc Brown’s DeLorean to go back to 1985…to the year before 11-year old A-Rod started using performance-enhancing drugs. Only then might A-Rod actually help himself.
Dr. Leo Spaceman
At least 30 ROCK’s Dr. Spaceman has actually examined A-Rod in person–because it’s much harder to examine erectile dysfunction over the phone. (Although with erectile dysfunction, nothing is hard, right?)
Dr. Jekyll
A-Rod also got a second opinion from both Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but even Mr. Hyde sided with the Yankees team doctor.
Dr. Hannibal Lecter
It’s probably more likely that Dr. Hannibal Lecter is more of a wicked Red Sox fan instead of a loud mouth Yankees fan anyway. It stands to reason, Clarice.
Dr. Love…and Dr. Pepper
This is a face that you can trust. The original Dr. Love (who eventually sold out to Dr. Pepper.) If you can’t trust a man with two doctorates, then who can you trust?
Dr. Frasier Crane
At this point, Dr. Frasier Crane may be the only person listening to A-Rod.
Doc
Through their union representative, the remaining six dwarfs are voting to replace Doc, ever since Doc declared A-Rod fit like Prince Charming. ESPN reports that Sleazy is the leading vote-getter, while Yusiel Puig once again loses in a mild upset.
Dr. Who (and counting)
Doctor Who??? Yup, exactly!!! Just WHO are these doctors of yours, A-Rod?!?
A-Rod should just take his stolen millions, and quarantine himself to some South Beach hot spot until some time after Pete Rose finally gets inducted into the Hall of Fame.
A-Rod needs to learn to keep his mouth shut
Still, you really gotta hand it to Alex Rodriguez. A-Rod has already accomplished the impossible: ego-maniac third baseman has turned Brian Cashman and the rest of the New York Yankee management into sympathetic figures. Why come back when the crowds will shower him with boos—even more so at Yankee Stadium, than on the road. The Yankees cannot afford for A-Rod to infect their brand any more so than he already has.
(7/25/13)
Flaming Bag of Poo 